The Downward Spiral Part VII

I had made a new friend who was of legal drinking age at this point, so he became my go to for alcohol and now became my roommate. He was working a bird farm at the time and was staying in a trailer on the property. We both stayed there a while drinking the nights away listening to the likes of Mr. Bungle and other obscure bands I was interested in. Things went well for a while, but the drinking made it hard for him to get up for work, and soon he was let go. So we both ended up staying in my parents basement for a time.

I had met up with another girl from Charter hospital at this point. New love was in the air and it slowed my drinking for a time. She was also a heavy church goer so I started going to her church to impress her. I learned that her mother was a bit crazy and her father was an evangelist who had molested her on several occasions. So basically I was a saint in her eyes. I tend to drag everyone around me down as I sink and she found this out the hard way. We were having a party at her apartment and I was drunk as usual. They had left to drop some people off and the fiery red head stayed to “take care of me.” I broke things off after that night knowing I had screwed up and I didn’t want to hurt her.

Of course the truth will out, and while I was with her at another friends house drinking, someone told her. She was my friend’s bi-sexual girlfriend, and she used it to get her in bed. I was angry and drunk and decided to move on to another party. Driving 70 in a 35 drunk is not recommended. The police frowned on that sort of thing and decided to let me know. I called my mother to come pick me up from the police station, and asked her to drop me off at the next party because they were expecting me. She was none too pleased, but she took me. Needless to say, nobody there wanted to see me and all the booze was gone by this point. So my friend and I went and got some more beer and retreated back to my parent’s basement.

At this point my friend was moving on having gotten together with a girl from work. They had moved in together and she was not a big fan of me for obvious reasons. I was alone once again. I encountered the internet at my parents’ for the first time and I also got more into paganism through chat rooms. I studied Druidry, Taoism and a few others while I went back to school. I was going to do computer graphics, but I just couldn’t get into the structure and had other things I wanted to do. Somehow I managed not to violate the probation I was still under with the DWI, but I did receive a limited drivers privilege and had to go to mandated classes. I decided to sober up at this point given my predicament.

I moved in with some new friends I had made along the way in an apartment complex where the cops wouldn’t go after night fall. We never had any trouble, but you could hear the bullets whizzing by in the trees during New Years. I stayed sober for an entire year with this guy and his wife. We worked at the same places and hung out with the same people and I stayed away from all the old people and places.

We studied the bible and even tried to start our own little cult of freak Christians that didn’t fit in society. I finalized my divorce to my wife and I was getting my life on track. I even went so far as to regain faith and started fighting demons and laying hands. I started dating my last girlfriend again and we made amends, but my new friends were not to keen on her. I started drinking again one night, just a little wasn’t going to hurt. I had things under control now. My friends weren’t happy though and wanted my girlfriend to go. That was cause enough for me to split and find my own place.

I managed to keep a job for more than 6 months delivering pizzas and subs and finally built up enough cash to get an apartment. My parents had moved to Charlotte at this point so I was finally on my own and gaining some self respect. It was short lived though as I was drinking more and more. Eventually the job was gone, and I was drinking all day, every day. I frequented massage parlors and even took to men as my past molestation from my neighbor began to surface. Any bit of self I had left, I drank away. The darkness was at its blackest and there was no spirit left in me when I looked in the mirror.

I tried detox and and was drunk months later. I lost the apartment, then the car. My relationship was done even though she hung on until the end. We stayed with friends until they kicked me out. Then we stayed with one of my friends and I invited terror on her and her kids while I was there. Cocaine came into the picture, then the Hell’s Angels were around. I needed to get out before I got into something I wouldn’t walk away from.

I went to detox one last time, and my parents said I could move to Charlotte with them if I agreed to go to a recovery group. They also wanted to discuss how many times I could relapse before I was kicked out again. They had no faith and neither did I. I moved to Charlotte with a trash bag of clothes and left that whole world behind.

To be continued…

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