I’m feeling a great deal of acceptance in my situation and who I am at this moment. I’ve been judging myself through other people’s eyes for far too long, and I feel like I’m getting a glimpse of who I’m truly meant to be. Other people don’t have to agree with it, and the further I get on the path, the less they will. This path gets lonelier and lonelier, as you dispense with all the crap and cruft through age and experience. This isn’t a bad thing, but it requires adjustment and being okay with who and what you are apart from anyone else. As I’ve grown, I’ve seen through more of the dogma and old ideas of the past and present, so that I can work towards a different kind of future. I can choose to close my eyes and join in on the party with everyone else, but the damage that causes myself and those around me is getting less bearable.
I was too connected to everything and everyone around me, and of necessity I closed off once I was overloaded like a blown fuse. I didn’t have sufficient capacitors to allow the energy to flow in and out, nor the ability to condition or remove damaging energies. By the time the breaker blew, the damage was done and I was fried. So I shut down completely, lacking any power to do anything. I needed to be disconnected from the main lines for a while in order to rewire things and expand my capacitors. Now it’s time to create and/or reestablish good connections and allow those energies to flow in and out. I’ll test out the lines and make sure everything is flowing smoothly. I also have to play it safer with what energies I allow in to prevent future damage, and ensure that I don’t transfer those energies outwards to damage others.
I’m far from a flawless system, and I may have many wires crossed, but I prefer the ability to grow versus a static system following the same old protocols. They certainly work within their set parameters, and I don’t discount them, but there is no room for change and they’re eventually discarded to make room for what comes next. Evolution requires that we take what works and bring it forward or improve on it, but only those specific things that are beneficial, not the entire system. Even those specific things are then expanded on or replaced as they progress. There’s always the romantic notion that things were easier and simpler in the past, but this reminds me of a paraphrased question I once heard in a movie who’s name I can’t recall, “When was the last time you had to suffer through a flu without taking a pill?” We take for granted what we have never experienced or lacked. Simpler doesn’t always equate to easier. We trade one set of problems for another as all things evolve.
Evolving Psychosis 