I’m Fucked, But It’s Okay

The bundle burns, spirits disperse,
Cut the ties, bind the curse.
A child of light, burning bright,
Let all who oppose, be gone without a fight.

We all shine, dark and bright,
In every one, day and night.
Daemon, angel, intertwined,
Heaven and hell, in the mind.

The journey is chaos,
Destination unclear.
Return to nothing,
Move beyond the fear.

TLDR: “I’m fucked, but it’s okay”

Conformity is not in my nature, yet I continue to strive for a normal life. Every time I find myself crawling back inside trying to discern who I really am. Every time, hurting those I want so much to love. This is my karma. This is the lesson I have yet to learn. I still don’t understand the life I am meant to live, but I’m painfully learning what it is not.

I regret the harm I have caused others on this journey. Know that I suffer with you and work to rectify those failings. Everything I think that I am is being dissolved, and the things I have not been willing to let go are being ripped from my grasp. I cannot ignore the truths that are being revealed any longer. All I have believed has been blown apart, and while I cannot describe or explain what this is, I understand more now than I ever have.

I still falter and fail as I maneuver this new terrain and allow the universe to retrain my reality. Moving ever further from the limited world of logic into the vastness of feeling, and intuition. Trying to find that elusive balance between the two. Some may cry insanity, and they are right. Living a life of spirit in this day and age is certainly not normal. I’ve tried as hard as I’m able to avoid it, or pay it a simple lip service. Just enough to get by. 

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It brings us to the edge of our own resources, until we have no choice but to seek further. Not some outside source though, but deeper within. So now I surrender. I give it all that I am, for it is all that I am. There is no separation, only illusion and delusion. I cannot be what they want, nor what I want any longer. I can only be that which I am. The truth is painful only because I enjoy the lie.

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