The days are filled with mixed emotion, vacillating to and fro, from a balanced security to an encompassing cloud of self-pity. Darkness seeping into the heart, constricting it tightly with its cold black claws. Uncertainty finds its way into the mind causing doubt and confusion, coupled with feelings of hopelessness and futility. The pain has lessened, but the fear of what’s to come ever increases. Holding on to the thought that this shall pass, and will move back to the cool, calm and collected version of self, steeped in resolution. Yet the feelings grow more depressing as they pull down with their weight.
There is a realization of moving toward a greater purpose, and that the trials now faced will bring great strength and resolve in the future. While sitting alone in this electro-prison, awaiting the innocent eyes of progeny. They’re reminders that these years were not wasted, for they are a gift never thought possible. No matter the outcome of the faltering romance, its fruits never wither and will be integral to the future.
The loneliness will fade in a life of service to others. Those still trapped in the darkness of self pervade the world. Many could be relieved of this anguish, by putting grief aside, and extending a hand to those much less fortunate. This is the reason for existence, the reason to which we are called. Those things that damper or restrict this purpose fall away causing apparent suffering. This suffering does not exist when you have truly let go.
Perhaps this is all madness and delusion. Yet some may say we’re all mad, and this world is an illusion. Either way, personal truth is all there is for the present moment. What has been done was not done lightly, and is not the easier path. It requires pain, for that is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It requires surrender of desire for the good of all. These things were chosen out of necessity and a lack of alternatives. When you offer yourself to the universe, it will have its way with you, no matter your protestations.
Some may seek to destroy and may preach of defects and deficiencies. We are but mortal, with all its inherent trappings. Seeking the divine, seeking truth, seeking the purest of joy. We must overcome and integrate with the shadows. Delve into the darkest pits of the psyche to challenge fear, and bring understanding to the demons within. The path of thorns, less traveled and painful, renders the flesh bare to reveal the truth that lies within. Falter and become lost and consumed once more.