There have been so many changes over the years, and most of them I never notice until I reflect on them much later. This is one of those moments. I still don’t feel it on a grand scale, but logically I know that I would if I was not blocked off from such feeling. The release and change that has occurred in such a short time has been significant. The realization of how much what I’m doing is affecting things in a positive manner, how the path is beginning to unfold, motivates me to continue in my efforts and put more energy into it.
I have no doubt that if I can successfully channel this anger and rage further, and direct it in a positive or at least constructive way, that it will open up the channels to other feelings that I’ve blocked myself off from. The passion and fervor that has been missing in my life is largely due to me denying that piece of myself, or at least the shadow side of that aspect. You cannot have one without the other. My rage needs an outlet just as much as my passion. It’s no wonder I’ve felt so dead inside. I’ve smothered the fire, so that nothing can burn. It’s time to stoke the flames and find methods to manage them, so they do not burn out of control.