Seeking solace in nature’s embrace has been the theme of my life these past few years, and even more so in the past few months. I’ve struck a bond with the land behind my home especially, in which I take care of it and it takes care of me.
I take my stress, anxiety, anger, depression, all those things I find objectionable, and I pound them into the earth with every step I take in those woods. Then I sit and breathe in the air, drawing in the stability and objectivity of the land. I exhale and release all that inner turmoil and selfish fear.
As I pass through the trails beside the waters and beyond, I collect all the trash and refuse I can find. I find it an even trade for peace of mind and being able to dump all this negative energy out for purification.
I’ve never been much of a tree hugger, and the only thing that would classify me as a hippy would be the vast amounts of substances, natural and otherwise, I used to put in my body, along with years of bad hygiene. I was skeptical when the thought crept into my mind to make this bargain with the spirit of these lands, but I figured it was a simple act on my part for the potential benefits.
At times I find it frustrating how people can be so unthinking with their trash out here, but then I remember a time when the world was my trash can. I would take whole cases of beer into the woods, and come back empty handed. Cigarettes, fast food and empty containers flew from my car at every turn. So perhaps this is also a means of making amends for all the damage I’ve done. I’m certain there are many other deficiencies in my life that I’m totally unconscious of, but one thing at a time.
Bottom line is that I put my faith and belief in things that produce quantifiable results. WIth trial and error, I’m finding what works and what does not. One thing I can say with absolute certainty is that action produces results. That seems like it goes without saying, but here we are. Prayer, petitions, bargains and the like have absolutely no effect if you do nothing. They may set things in motion, people and events may occur that change our way of thinking, but it is up to us to put in the footwork. We must decide whether we continue to change or backslide into what we know.
It’s give and take in any relationship, so why not in the realm of the spirit? I’ve found having faith in something bigger, whatever that means to you, and taking action based on that faith, has transformed me, and in turn, my entire world. Whether I was praying to a God I did not understand, The Universe, named Gods of all sorts, spirits, ancestors, or the land itself, nothing changes if nothing changes.
I’ve found part of my purpose in this world is to make things happen that those beings, great and small, cannot or will not do on their own. Perhaps they don’t even exist, and it is my mere belief and action that creates the change. I can’t say for sure. But I’ll paraphrase someone wiser than myself in saying that, “Yes these things are all in your head, you just have no idea how big your head is.”
Evolving Psychosis 